The spaciousness that is now a place of peace and serenity in my heart and mind came into sharp focus last night.
It was one of those top 10 summer evenings, warm with a light breeze. I was seated at an outdoor table at one of my favorite restaurants, sipping a refreshing cocktail, awaiting the arrival of a friend.
That’s when I heard the voices at a table behind me, steadily rising in volume, swiping at each other like cat claws. My entire body tensed. Suddenly I was aware that I had dropped right into fight or flight. The way I had done for years. Within my family. Within my marriage. Within my last romantic relationship.
It’s a trauma response, of course.
And what I see now — what I am deeply, eternally grateful for now is that the work I’ve been doing over the past year has created a path out of that perpetual state of panic.
One of the things I learned during my studies is that I had unknowingly signed onto a value system and set of agreements that guided my entire life since I was very, very young. The contract went something like this:
- Every single good thing that comes to you in life is the result of your ability to overcome struggle.
- Around every corner will be a seemingly insurmountable obstacle.
- The only way to move forward is to conquer the obstacle.
- And the better you get at conquering the obstacles, the bigger they get and the more frequently they appear.
This understanding was summed up by oft-repeated “truisms” like:
- Every single day I wake up unemployed and have to earn the right to have an income.
- Most people in the world are about average or below — so I do everything I can to make sure I’m well above average.
- It’s not enough to be good at what I do. I have to be the absolute best.
- As a woman in business, you’re going to have to be better and smarter and work harder to prove your worth. (Implicit message: Worth is not inherent; it is something to be earned.)
It’s a subtle thing. After all, working hard and striving to be the best is not bad advice.
The trap — for me at least — was this notion that the the value of the outcome is only as high as the struggle to achieve it; if it comes easily, it isn’t of much value. If I do things that are easy for me, then I am not of value.
There would never be such a thing as a clear path. One where I could learn and grow and work and achieve without having to be on constant look-out for the big boulder. Because there would always be a big boulder. In my work life, in my romantic life, even in my family life.
All the stuff my conscious mind already knew (choose work that aligns with my talents and interests, follow my bliss, discover my zone of genius, etc.) was not powerful enough to dislodge the destructive agreement that had been fully rooted in my unconscious mind for decades.
The creators of this contract (my parents) meant well, they really did.
You might even say that their values were admirable. They certainly created a life that from the outside that was worth emulating.
But the underlying message that I wrote into my own code early on negated the possibility of anything of value coming easily, gracefully, from a state of flow and creativity, growth and evolution. Rather, the way my unconscious mind interpreted the contract drove me to create all kinds of obstacles, challenges and difficulties on every road of life — work, relationships, family, even my health.
By learning and applying an integrated approach involving both my conscious and unconscious mind, as well as energy healing and spiritual practices, I have removed the old agreement and installed a new contract.
It’s not that I don’t work hard. I absolutely do work hard. The difference is that I’m working into my strengths, into my gifts, into my joy. I’m working hard, and also feeling most of the time like it’s not work at all. Because I no longer set up boulders in my own path. I no longer seek people who don’t work for me. (In fact, I’m excited to say that now I see those people nearly immediately and steer clear of them from the start!) I no longer ignore the signs my body sends me about what it needs.
Back to that weight I’ve lost in the process…
It’s still very much my life, my world, my people. And it’s also really, really lighter. And more pleasant. As in …more pleasure. The lows aren’t nearly as low. And the highs, well, they’re a whole lot higher. And a LOT more frequent.
I want this for everyone. I want people to know they can put down their 100-pound bags of sh*t (whatever they may be), and go on with their lives. Their beautiful, glorious, pleasurable lives.
That’s my Why. What’s yours?
Book a discovery call with me today to start uncovering what’s really holding you back from your zone of genius!